Stole-a-joke

Okay... I already cut and pasted this into email and sent it around some.  No reason not to lift it straight into the blog, it being so scientific and all... thanx for the laffs to sweet Betsy D. Vine

GV
Berkeley just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium".

Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has half as many peons, but twice as many morons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. It can be detected, however, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A reaction that normally takes one minute or less will require a week or more if contaminated by any Governmentium.

The half-life of Governmentium is 4 years. It does not, however, decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutron exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. The characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is called "Critical Morass".

Comments

[John Abbe]

Apparently goes back to at least 1991 in New Scientist as administratium. See comments in http://www.usefulwork.com/shark/archives/000270.html

[fp]

Point well taken John. I spammed some friends in government with this and was politely informed that it had been passed around three or four years ago, probably in the wave when you posted it. I wouldn't doubt that it goes back to 1991 and before.

Just goes to show that I haven't seen everything yet. Or if I have, I'm at that age when forgetfulness provides renewal and delight.