Letters, we get letters...

Yes, it's time for me to share another one of those humorous items otherwise known as forwarded spam.  Take it away Dr. Laura and friends...

On Laura Schlesinger's radio show recently, she said that, as an
observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination, according to
Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The 
following is
an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted
on the Internet. It's funny, as well as thought-provoking.

         ******************************************
        Dear Dr. Laura:

        Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's
        Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to
        share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When
        someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I
        simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
        abomination... End of debate.   I do need some advice from
        you, however, regarding some other elements of  God's Laws and
        how to follow them.

        1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male
        and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring
        nations.  A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans,
        but not Canadians.  Can you clarify?  Why can't I own
        Canadians?

        2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned
        in Exodus 1:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would
        be a fair price for her?

        3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she
        is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24.  The
        problem is how do I  tell?  I have tried asking, but most women
        take offense.

        4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
        creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9.  The problem
        is, my neighbors.  They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.
        Should I smite them?

        5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the  Sabbath.
        Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I
        morally obligated to kill  him myself, or should I ask the
        police to do it?

        6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is
        an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
        homosexuality.  I don't agree.  Can you settle this?  Are
        there degrees of abomination?

        7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God
        if I have a defect in my sight.  I have to admit that I wear
        reading glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there
        some wiggle-room here?

        8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including
        the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly
        forbidden by Lev. 19:27.  How should they die?

        9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead
        pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear
        gloves?

        10. My uncle has a farm.  He violates Lev.19:19 by planting
         two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
        garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
        blend).  He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.  Is it
        really necessary that we go to all the trouble of  getting the
        whole town together to stone them?  Lev.24:10-16.  Couldn't we
        just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with
        people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14) I know you
        have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
        considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you
        can help.  Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
        eternal and unchanging.
        
        Signed,
        
        An adoring fan

       "It'll take a long time to restore chaos." -- George W. Bush

 

Comments

[Alex]

That was awesome.

[Radical 1a]

Hey I got a question , with all this talk of secession , We do have more guns and stuff than the red states , don't we ? I mean like the last time states tried that secession thing they got their asses kicked . really bad

[fp]

They got the nukes but we got the nines.

[Radical 1a]

I really do not think that nukes are needed , fixing bayonettes and poking people across the border into canada should do the trick for them . I think perhaps moving to the great white north " Canada " would be a very smart move after all Bayonettes are sharp and pointy . I sugest moving very quickly